I need to raise a zillion dollars
I'd better pull all of those old Powerball and Lotto tickets out of my wallet and check them. I was going to save them for my retirement, but then I saw this. If I'm going to break my 5 year dateless slump, I might as well do it with style. And some of the money goes for a good cause... the rest would be for liposuction, plastic surgery and a personality transplant. Maybe I can convince her I'm related to big-time Hollywood producer Barry Osborne? Maybe I am?
Maybe I can become my own third-world nation, declare myself oppressed, and get financial help from the UN and Bono. That plot of land in Scotland has to be good for something besides my "title", and of course I'm oppressed. I haven't had a girlfriend, let alone a date in 5 years, wouldn't you be oppressed?
Or is that depressed?