Saturday, August 27, 2005

Depression & Grief

Ok, first of all, I'm not depressed. I've been depressed, so I know the difference, so don't worry.

While grocery shopping I had an epiphany of sorts. Grief really has to do with two things, abscence and guilt (and as we get older we move more and more towards the latter). Not that the guilt is justified... it can be as simple as survivor's guilt, or guilt about not being able to say good-bye.

This thought came to mind as I was grocery shopping. Marsh has these little wicker baskets with cloth liners. Every time I saw them, I would muse how if I got one it would become a bed for Kuriko, whether that's why I bought it or not. Today when I saw them I felt guilty for never having gotten one for her. I know it makes no sense... she was just as happy with a grocery bag or shoe box, but it still brings that choked up feeling back.

Depression is much more pervasive... when you're depressed you feel isolated and hopeless. That's not what I'm feeling... if I'm not dwelling on Kuriko I'm basicly content.

Okay, maybe all of that didn't really have a point. I'm just trying to get thoughts out of my skull and into type more often rather than let them bounce around in there.


Blogger Jason said...

I've had moments like that about Alize. I'd be doing something or say something and it would hit how much I miss her. It is mostly the little things, IMHO, that we take for granted the most. It certainly made me appreciate those around me that much more.

9:58 AM  

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